I had four girls over for dinner tonight. It was a mini cabin reunion from a retreat I went on earlier in the summer. I made pasta with chicken and broccoli in homemade sauce and garlic bread. Someone else brought salad and dessert. It was delicious.
We spent the evening chatting and I read them part of my story that has been coming along. I had read some of it to them on the retreat and surprisingly, they were anxious to hear more. I am always shocked when people enjoy my writing. It was so great to just relax with a group of girls -- women -- that I trust and have important things in common.
Looking back to a year ago, this never would have happened. I had very few friends in the area and even fewer girl friends. I am constantly amazed at how quickly it seemed to turn around. One week I felt completely alone and the next I was having people over for an evening of food and games. That's what it felt like.
I've realized the importance of having good friends. I can just imagine that after a long day of work, it will be wonderful to chat with someone who won't judge, berate or scold me. Having friends seems to allow you to forget about the reality of life, even for just an hour of so. Among true friends, you can drop all pretenses and worries. Stress can fade and true joy can spread in your heart.
A year from now, I very well may have a different group of friends, or depending on where life and God take me, I could be in a situation more similar to the one from a year ago. No matter what, I know that with or without a group of friends, I always have a confidant in God. He's the only thing that got me through the time when I felt so alone. So happy that that time is past, but so grateful that He's one friend that I will never lose ... even if I can't really invite Him to sit down to dinner with us. =)
17 August 2011
15 August 2011
Home again
So, I'm back in Lancaster County. Often times my return from long trips would elicit mixed emotions; never sure if I was happy or sad, but I was home nonetheless. This return seems similar but in more complex situations.
I am happy to be home; happy to see my family and spend time with my brother who is very shortly leaving for college; happy to have no specific daily routine and just allow myself to actually have a "vacation."
But then again, coming home means the start of the end. It's the end of school as I know it, it's the end of my family as a whole unit where before I was always the one leaving and they were all still home and intact. Coming home also signified the need to start getting back into school mode, start getting things in order.
There are a few things haunting me in these last two weeks before school starts:
~ I absolutely want to finish writing my story. The editing can come later, but I want the story finished.
~ I still have no idea where I will be placed for the year and who my cooperating teacher will be.
~ I have to fill out another exception to graduate form for pretty much the same thing that was approved but then messed up at the end of last semester.
~ I need to start realizing that I am an adult.
~ Oh, and I have no structure at all for these next two weeks -- I get antsy just thinking about it ...
Okay so yeah. That's what's going on in my life now that I am home. Our mini almost trip to NYC that got rained out kinda helped me jump back into things, but now I'm feeling the lack of activity. It's the first time all summer when I've had no outside sources pressing me for attention or asking for my promised obligation. It's a crazy two weeks and part of me is glad it's only that much and the rest of me is screaming that it's not going to be long enough, but it is what it is and whether I like it or not, I will be "Miss Barnhart" in a matter of only a few short weeks.
What has this world come to??
I am happy to be home; happy to see my family and spend time with my brother who is very shortly leaving for college; happy to have no specific daily routine and just allow myself to actually have a "vacation."
But then again, coming home means the start of the end. It's the end of school as I know it, it's the end of my family as a whole unit where before I was always the one leaving and they were all still home and intact. Coming home also signified the need to start getting back into school mode, start getting things in order.
There are a few things haunting me in these last two weeks before school starts:
~ I absolutely want to finish writing my story. The editing can come later, but I want the story finished.
~ I still have no idea where I will be placed for the year and who my cooperating teacher will be.
~ I have to fill out another exception to graduate form for pretty much the same thing that was approved but then messed up at the end of last semester.
~ I need to start realizing that I am an adult.
~ Oh, and I have no structure at all for these next two weeks -- I get antsy just thinking about it ...
Okay so yeah. That's what's going on in my life now that I am home. Our mini almost trip to NYC that got rained out kinda helped me jump back into things, but now I'm feeling the lack of activity. It's the first time all summer when I've had no outside sources pressing me for attention or asking for my promised obligation. It's a crazy two weeks and part of me is glad it's only that much and the rest of me is screaming that it's not going to be long enough, but it is what it is and whether I like it or not, I will be "Miss Barnhart" in a matter of only a few short weeks.
What has this world come to??
11 August 2011
Girl in a Pawn Shop
I've loved being the only girl working down at the store. Now, don't get me wrong, there are some times when a customer would brush me off because I am a girl, but half the time I didn't want to deal with a grumpy old man anyway. I think it was good for the guys to have a girl around for a little while. It kept them on their toes.
Often, I was treated like a little girl which was kind of funny sometimes, but annoying other times. Like for instance, Jerry (one of the guys working there) would watch over my shoulder almost every time I bought gold -- even after I had successfully done it several times before that when he wasn't there. I mean, it's always nice to have a second pair of eyes, but still. Other times it was a joking manner. Like I could do anything I wanted and get away with it. It was all in good fun of course.
Today though, I saw that the guys weren't merely tolerating me, but actually enjoyed having me there. It was a nice feeling to know that although I was the boss's niece and just in for a little while and didn't know much about anything (but I learned quick!) they still treated me like an employee. We joked and worked together possibly better than some of the other people that work there. I even got a "going away present" from one of the guys. It was sweet. He gave me my own loupe and magnet so that when I go home I can go scavenging for gold and silver =)
Coming into this 4-week stint, I definitely thought I was going to get tired of working in the shop everyday, that it would ruin it for me, but surprisingly, it didn't. I actually really think I'm going to miss it. I'm excited for a break in school when I can come back and work for a few more days. I think it was my mom who told me that she didn't expect me to enjoy it as much as I do. There's just something about working with customers and never knowing what's going to come through the door. At least I know that if teaching fails, I have a place in the pawn industry. hehe. =)
Often, I was treated like a little girl which was kind of funny sometimes, but annoying other times. Like for instance, Jerry (one of the guys working there) would watch over my shoulder almost every time I bought gold -- even after I had successfully done it several times before that when he wasn't there. I mean, it's always nice to have a second pair of eyes, but still. Other times it was a joking manner. Like I could do anything I wanted and get away with it. It was all in good fun of course.
Today though, I saw that the guys weren't merely tolerating me, but actually enjoyed having me there. It was a nice feeling to know that although I was the boss's niece and just in for a little while and didn't know much about anything (but I learned quick!) they still treated me like an employee. We joked and worked together possibly better than some of the other people that work there. I even got a "going away present" from one of the guys. It was sweet. He gave me my own loupe and magnet so that when I go home I can go scavenging for gold and silver =)
Coming into this 4-week stint, I definitely thought I was going to get tired of working in the shop everyday, that it would ruin it for me, but surprisingly, it didn't. I actually really think I'm going to miss it. I'm excited for a break in school when I can come back and work for a few more days. I think it was my mom who told me that she didn't expect me to enjoy it as much as I do. There's just something about working with customers and never knowing what's going to come through the door. At least I know that if teaching fails, I have a place in the pawn industry. hehe. =)
08 August 2011
Learning.
I've been learning A LOT in my brief little stay out here in Western Pa. For instance, I learned how to take the weight of a piece of gold in grams and determine the price of that piece. I've also learned how to tell a fake Morgan Dollar from a real one and I've perfected my ability to look up prices on eBay and price them accordingly for the store.
I've also been learning a lot about my family. I learned that my mom's mom and dad were married at 18 and 20 years old (respectively) and that my grandma loved being a housewife. I learned that at one point in time my grandfather held 3 jobs at once while also being a husband and father.
I learned that a week can feel like 3 days and four weeks like two, but that no matter how far or long I'm away I will always miss my family back home. I learned that just because you say something and convince others of it, it doesn't mean you've convinced yourself, particularly your subconscious.
I've learned that people can bounce back even if at one point in their life they seemed irreversible. I've learned that people can really be good people or they can really be manipulative people, but they should be loved nonetheless. And I've learned that just because I have a set of standards that I live by doesn't mean that everyone else does or should live by them.
I realize everyday that I don't know myself as well as I think I do, and each Sunday God gives me one more thing the rejoice about. I've spent more time in the Word than I probably ever have on my own and I've seen the seed begin to grow in my own heart. As I am surrounded by those who do not live in the Spirit, my time with God builds me up and allows me to be an influence instead of being influenced.
I've both grown up and returned to childhood; made plans for the future, but reminisced in the past. I've managed to save and not always to spend and I've learned to listen.
Each day it seems something new comes my way: a new adventure, a new lesson, a new reason to press on with all that I have. I don't know what's to come; I'm not even guaranteed my next breath, but I know that God is faithful and is continuing a work He started in me a long time ago. I know I'm His which assures me, it's all going to turn out just fine.
I've also been learning a lot about my family. I learned that my mom's mom and dad were married at 18 and 20 years old (respectively) and that my grandma loved being a housewife. I learned that at one point in time my grandfather held 3 jobs at once while also being a husband and father.
I learned that a week can feel like 3 days and four weeks like two, but that no matter how far or long I'm away I will always miss my family back home. I learned that just because you say something and convince others of it, it doesn't mean you've convinced yourself, particularly your subconscious.
I've learned that people can bounce back even if at one point in their life they seemed irreversible. I've learned that people can really be good people or they can really be manipulative people, but they should be loved nonetheless. And I've learned that just because I have a set of standards that I live by doesn't mean that everyone else does or should live by them.
I realize everyday that I don't know myself as well as I think I do, and each Sunday God gives me one more thing the rejoice about. I've spent more time in the Word than I probably ever have on my own and I've seen the seed begin to grow in my own heart. As I am surrounded by those who do not live in the Spirit, my time with God builds me up and allows me to be an influence instead of being influenced.
I've both grown up and returned to childhood; made plans for the future, but reminisced in the past. I've managed to save and not always to spend and I've learned to listen.
Each day it seems something new comes my way: a new adventure, a new lesson, a new reason to press on with all that I have. I don't know what's to come; I'm not even guaranteed my next breath, but I know that God is faithful and is continuing a work He started in me a long time ago. I know I'm His which assures me, it's all going to turn out just fine.
06 August 2011
Local color
It is amazing to me how completely different two communities can be.
The part of Lancaster County that I am from is hopeful, continuously on the rise, and forever striving to be socially elite.
Across the state, working in the "hood" at the pawn shop these past few weeks, I've encountered a completely different type of community. Since the steel mills no longer provide massive amounts of jobs, the little towns in the area have a depressed feel to them. The people always seem to be trying to catch up. They are a rougher, more real people -- without the polished edges or proper politeness -- than almost any I've encountered.
These towns are places where people watch out for their own, and are quick to do what it takes to make ends meet. A bargain is expected and wherever you can shave a dollar you do. If you've met someone once, you have a connection the next time you meet. Friends help friends out. Money is a necessity, not a priority.
I've seen more cigarettes, tattoos, piercings, chew, heard more swear words, slang, and grammatical errors in the past 3 weeks than I probably have in my life. But that's normal here. People don't assume they're better than their neighbors. No one judges the clothes you wear or the writing on your arm. No one cares if you split infinitives or pronounce your o's funny. It's western Pennsylvania -- the downtrodden suburbs of Pittsburgh. It's a whole different world out here.
The part of Lancaster County that I am from is hopeful, continuously on the rise, and forever striving to be socially elite.
Across the state, working in the "hood" at the pawn shop these past few weeks, I've encountered a completely different type of community. Since the steel mills no longer provide massive amounts of jobs, the little towns in the area have a depressed feel to them. The people always seem to be trying to catch up. They are a rougher, more real people -- without the polished edges or proper politeness -- than almost any I've encountered.
These towns are places where people watch out for their own, and are quick to do what it takes to make ends meet. A bargain is expected and wherever you can shave a dollar you do. If you've met someone once, you have a connection the next time you meet. Friends help friends out. Money is a necessity, not a priority.
I've seen more cigarettes, tattoos, piercings, chew, heard more swear words, slang, and grammatical errors in the past 3 weeks than I probably have in my life. But that's normal here. People don't assume they're better than their neighbors. No one judges the clothes you wear or the writing on your arm. No one cares if you split infinitives or pronounce your o's funny. It's western Pennsylvania -- the downtrodden suburbs of Pittsburgh. It's a whole different world out here.
04 August 2011
Forget what then, Here is NOW!
I've been thinking a lot about the next year and all that it has in store for me. I will be in a classroom as a "student teacher" all next year. Then, in May, I will take the short walk across the platform that signifies my proceeding from college student to college graduate, the transformation from student to adult.
The question I've been getting a lot lately is "what then?" What happens after I graduate? What will I do then? It's the most common response to my telling someone that I only have one year left. So, in response, I've been thinking a lot about my "next step."
This time away has given me a good look at what life may be like away from my family that I love so dearly. Despite that I have only been gone for 3 weeks and that I am staying with family, I miss my siblings terribly. Skype is a wonderful thing that allows me to have conversations with them (without cell phone charges) and I actually get to see them. It's not the same as seeing them in person, but it's the next best thing.
The reason I say this is because for a while now, I've been feeling that I really want to teach overseas at least for a year or two before I actually "settle down." I've always loved traveling and experiencing new cultures, but I haven't yet got to actually become a part of a new culture. I have such a hunger for new places and people and new environments outside of the United States that it has been all I could do to stay stateside for these past 3 years.
I'm not quite sure where I want to go; I'd love to see Europe, but I'd also love to visit South America. At this point, my options are endless. Maybe I'll spend one year teaching in Europe, exploring on the weekends, and another year teaching in Argentina or Chile. Who knows where God will take me after I graduate.
But truly, before I can even begin to really think and get excited for the what then I must first embrace the here and now. There's a Steven Curtis Chapman song that talks about doing everything you do for the glory of God, and that is my prayer for this time, and always. No matter where I go or what I do, I pray that I do it as if it is for the Lord. We can easily get caught up in the what ifs and if onlys and as soon as I finish this project I can start the next one mentalities that often the present slips away. I'm praying for purpose for TODAY. Each day, one step at a time. =)
The question I've been getting a lot lately is "what then?" What happens after I graduate? What will I do then? It's the most common response to my telling someone that I only have one year left. So, in response, I've been thinking a lot about my "next step."
This time away has given me a good look at what life may be like away from my family that I love so dearly. Despite that I have only been gone for 3 weeks and that I am staying with family, I miss my siblings terribly. Skype is a wonderful thing that allows me to have conversations with them (without cell phone charges) and I actually get to see them. It's not the same as seeing them in person, but it's the next best thing.
The reason I say this is because for a while now, I've been feeling that I really want to teach overseas at least for a year or two before I actually "settle down." I've always loved traveling and experiencing new cultures, but I haven't yet got to actually become a part of a new culture. I have such a hunger for new places and people and new environments outside of the United States that it has been all I could do to stay stateside for these past 3 years.
I'm not quite sure where I want to go; I'd love to see Europe, but I'd also love to visit South America. At this point, my options are endless. Maybe I'll spend one year teaching in Europe, exploring on the weekends, and another year teaching in Argentina or Chile. Who knows where God will take me after I graduate.
But truly, before I can even begin to really think and get excited for the what then I must first embrace the here and now. There's a Steven Curtis Chapman song that talks about doing everything you do for the glory of God, and that is my prayer for this time, and always. No matter where I go or what I do, I pray that I do it as if it is for the Lord. We can easily get caught up in the what ifs and if onlys and as soon as I finish this project I can start the next one mentalities that often the present slips away. I'm praying for purpose for TODAY. Each day, one step at a time. =)
01 August 2011
Half way mark
I had three goals for my time here in Western Pa:
1. Work as much as I can to make as much money as I can
2. Read as much as I can because I will no longer be in class
3. Write as much as I can because when I'm at home I always find ways to get distracted
Well, now that I am a little over half way through my time here I can happily report that I am succeeding in 2 of these goals, but failing miserably at the other. I have worked every day except for Thursdays and Sundays since I got here and I have read 3 and 1/3 books since I've been here. Unfortunately I have only written about 2 pages in my story.
Not only was this time supposed to be about working and saving money, but it was supposed to be sort of a vacation for me as well. It is a time to relax, spend time with my grandparents and not worry about school or any of the problems that come with it. Despite working almost every day, it really has been like a vacation for me. It's been great. I love being able to come home after working and just relax. We typically have dinner and watch the Pirates. I read or blog and then go to bed at a respectable time (like 10 or 11) and wake up feeling wonderful. It's been a delight waking up at 8am after 5 weeks of having to be at school by 7:30am.
I'm learning a lot about a lot of different things -- err, rather -- I'm learning a little about a lot of things. It's just fun. I'm not saving as much as I should because buying gifts for people is just too tempting. =)
It's been two weeks since I arrived and a little less than two weeks until I go home. Time is flying by, much like life and all I can do is embrace every moment and live it solely to glorify Him.
1. Work as much as I can to make as much money as I can
2. Read as much as I can because I will no longer be in class
3. Write as much as I can because when I'm at home I always find ways to get distracted
Well, now that I am a little over half way through my time here I can happily report that I am succeeding in 2 of these goals, but failing miserably at the other. I have worked every day except for Thursdays and Sundays since I got here and I have read 3 and 1/3 books since I've been here. Unfortunately I have only written about 2 pages in my story.
Not only was this time supposed to be about working and saving money, but it was supposed to be sort of a vacation for me as well. It is a time to relax, spend time with my grandparents and not worry about school or any of the problems that come with it. Despite working almost every day, it really has been like a vacation for me. It's been great. I love being able to come home after working and just relax. We typically have dinner and watch the Pirates. I read or blog and then go to bed at a respectable time (like 10 or 11) and wake up feeling wonderful. It's been a delight waking up at 8am after 5 weeks of having to be at school by 7:30am.
I'm learning a lot about a lot of different things -- err, rather -- I'm learning a little about a lot of things. It's just fun. I'm not saving as much as I should because buying gifts for people is just too tempting. =)
It's been two weeks since I arrived and a little less than two weeks until I go home. Time is flying by, much like life and all I can do is embrace every moment and live it solely to glorify Him.
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