Reading: Enjoy the Ride.

Well, I  had another reading tonight. It was a lot of fun and there were A TON of people there ... almost didn't have room to move. I was really nervous tonight though. The poem I read I literally finished barely an hour before I was to read it. I had written it during a night class this week and hadn't practiced much at all. I hardly ever rhyme in my poetry, but in writing this one, I wanted to find my rhyme, to find my rhythm. I didn't really like it at first -- it felt extremely Dr. Seuss-ish, but it's growing on me... Here it is, for your enjoyment and mine ...

Enjoy the Ride.

Being a woman

Both blessing and curse

Most days are fine

But some days much worse

Than each waking morning

I’d rather be snoring

Than putting on make up

Or becoming who I’m not

Instead of telling myself

Go on, you’re hot

You’re cool, relax,

You’re only going to school

So why then the heels? Who is there to impress?

Why not wear shorts

And take off that dress

Forget mascara, don’t straighten your hair

Tomorrow may bring you to a new some where

You’ll never get to, not unless

You break away

Forget the stress

Remember you’re beautiful

No time for a tool

No time to be someone other than you

So get up, get going

Do what you can to start your hoping

For something beyond what you find in today

When you were a child you used to play

You used to dream and wish for the stars

Now you can do it

You have your own car

Go on, get moving

There’s no need for mooning

Over what was, what is or who you could be

Embrace it, remember

You are the powerful she

Who does what she can

And takes nothing from man

Own person own pride

You will someday be bride

But until then, forget it

Dream big and don’t sweat it

Your time will come but why not embrace

Do what you want don’t try to save face

Now go on why still standing

The world is your oyster you should be dancing

One day you’ll remember who you used to be

And that day the urge to want to thank me

Will be so overwhelming you will track me back down

But when you find me, I’ll ask, am I just a clown?

Did I tell you anything

You did not already know?

Did I show you for instance the first time snow?

No!

I told you to simply just be you

Go on now get out and enjoy the view

You’re welcome; go on, I will not be hurt

Only never forget that you are much more than dirt.

Live your dreams and dream to live

Do not be afraid to reach out and give

Now look at you! You’re on your way

Don’t you worry and don’t suppress that yay

That represents all that is now set free

Keep on going and you will see

Every door will open and every window too

You don’t have to be afraid to just be you

Enjoy yourself and enjoy your life

Explore the dreams beyond being a wife,

A mother, a friend, a student, or girl

You can leave home now and see the world

See Italy or France, Argentina or Peru

The world is yours to create your own view

What can you do unless you try

Oh don’t be afraid and don’t you dare cry

You may mess up, you may come to regret

But if you give me a chance, you know, I’ll bet

You enjoy every moment, live your own life well

And when you come to the end, I bet you’ll tell

Everyone around you how great it was

When you finally branched out, forgot the buzz

From those who said you couldn’t do it or fail

So glad you didn’t take the time to scream or wail

Your life wasn’t perfect, you’ll say with a sigh,

But think and remember with a glisten in your eye

How nice it was to find yourself

Finally putting your worries up on a shelf

Yes, you were once small and cute

And occasionally, yes, you wanted to puke

But you saw the world and you enjoyed your life

You finally knew the freedom from the fear of strife

At that very moment you’ll think of dear me

And remember this lesson I’m telling you to be

Nothing more than yourself and nothing less than you

Once you start you’ll be glad that you still do

Dream big and reach for those stars

Feel the breath in your lungs and the beat of your heart

So with that as your drum you’re headed off on your trip

Remember to take a deep breath and just get a grip

Then head on out you’ll love it I swear

And remember with just you, it doesn’t matter what you wear

Just be you and quickly you’ll see

That in absolutely no time at all you will be

Giving this same advice

Just

like

me.

Enjoy the ride.

The busyness is temporary.

Wow. So it's been a week. I've had several ideas for a post, I just literally did not have time to do anything but homework lately. Tonight finally comes with a few moments with my head above the water. This is seriously the busiest semester I've had as of yet, although with Junior block and student teaching ahead, I'm sure it will not remain in that spot for long. I'm learning a lot this semester though, which is good. I don't just mean about the subjects I am taking, but I mean about myself, my work ethic, my priorities, etc. In intense situations, your true colors tend to show themselves.

As a testament to how crazy I have been, I am actually almost falling asleep as I type this. I've been too busy to even see how tired I am. Wow. Life can be extremely interesting at times.

What's to come ...
Well, this is the last week of classes of the semester, finals are next week and then I have a week off (woo hoo!). I start two summer classes the third week of May for four weeks, then another week off and then four more weeks of classes. I will finally have a summer come the middle of July. Surprisingly, I am actually looking forward to the summer. I think I just want to get the classes over with so that I can legitimately only have one year left in school. I can't believe how fast time flies. It feels like I've been in school forever, yet my time here at home seems to have just flown by. This time next year I will (hopefully) be graduating and applying for jobs. That's a whole other post in itself.

So, theme of the post: I am ridiculously busy, but it's all worth it because it is all temporary and in a year I will be done! Yippee! I can do this! Yeah!

Overcoming stress ...

There is something about life that once you think you've mastered a lesson, you're thrown right back into a situation that is infinitely worse than the situation you just went through. In consequence, you are forced to apply what you thought you just mastered.

This weekend, I felt as though the world was collapsing around me. My parents are out of the country and so even though my grandma was playing "babysitter," I still felt like I had to be responsible for my siblings; I had a ten page paper due on Monday that I wasn't able to wrap my head around Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, and I found myself treating deadlines merely as suggestions as I wasn't able to function enough to give them their proper respect. On top of all of that, I realized Sunday afternoon that I had made a huge detrimental mistake the previous Monday in a class where anything less than perfect is usually unacceptable.

I discovered something about myself in the midst of all of this chaos. When I encounter stress that is literally all consuming, my body just shuts down. Literally, I had no energy and no brain power. I could not comprehend anything. I would be doing research for that 10-page paper and would understand nothing that I read. It was all I could do to not think of the situation for more than 2 minutes.

I remembered my previous post at that point. Nothing in this life is certain, steady, or constant but God. He is the only thing/person I can depend on to be never changing. It was in that time this weekend that I had to remind myself that no matter what the situation, God is always in control and knows exactly what he's doing.

Thankfully, I made it through with my head intact. I still have much to learn and much to do as the end of the semester is here in full force. Somedays it's all I can do to get up in the morning and just say, "God, today is yours. No matter what happens, I know I'm in your hands. Be with those who are in situations worse than the one I am in, because in retrospect, I am still extremely blessed."

False Teeth

My grandma's teeth are in a cup on our bathroom sink.

Although gross and somewhat disgusting, this visual reminds me of the fact that even the things in life we think are most certain, we cannot count on. Things like time and rain drops, each breath and a sunrise every morning are luxuries that are gifts that God alone gives each day. Despite how stressed out I am over the amount of work at the end of the semester, time does not stop, slow down or expand into 48 hour days. I cannot even be certain that I will live to finish all of the papers that are due in the next few weeks.

The only thing I CAN count on, is God. He alone is steadfast and unmoving, never changing and always loving. He can bring peace and he can give hope. His greatest gift is grace.

So ... no matter if tomorrow I wake up and the moon is shining, or if suddenly my house is in a desert, or even if my teeth fall out and I have to put them in a cup on our bathroom sink, God will ALWAYS be there and ALWAYS see me through. That is my word of encouragement to myself tonight (and to anyone else who might need it).

Conflict within myself.

First time blogging while in class ... but believe me, it's more productive than what we're doing...

In all honesty, this is the second time this semester (different classes, but still) that the average person (at least that I know) would be appalled sitting through the content of this class period. The last time is just not even worth going into, but this time, oh boy. I don't even know.

I find it interesting how people can get into moods and it totally determines how they interact with people and how people react to them. Well, my professor this evening was certainly in a mood. The majority of the class found fault in at least the first half of our 3 hour class this evening, but as the graceful, polite students that we are, how are we to say anything without offending or causing an even bigger tirade? What do you do when you do not agree with what the authority is doing? As a student, how do you politely and respectfully let a teacher or a professor know that you do not approve of what is going on in the class? It is a puzzle that has plagued me more than once this semester, and one that my future students may unfortunately encounter as well. How do you confront authority in such a way that they will listen and respond without seeing it as an attack on them?

I know that the Bible talks about showing respect and obeying the authority that is over you, but what if you feel that authority is out of line? To be in the world and not of the world often presents a hugely difficult position when teachers and professors assume that all are of the world. So how do I remain a good student, yet stay true to myself?

Procrastination

Each time I wait until the last minute to complete a project, I hope it will be the last. I was literally down to the last minute today in submitting a research paper for a class. I hate when I rush through an assignment; I can never be sure I do my best work when the deadline is my inspiration. I feel my reputation is on the line every time I submit something I am not confident in. I feel as if I have cheated myself and not done justice to the subject matter at hand. As a student and future teacher, my work, if nothing else, defines me. I do not represent well myself, my faith or my family when my best effort is not put forward. I regret always when I do not take initiative in my papers, but each time, I find myself repeating the same pattern.

Procrastination is a habit that claims many, and unfortunately my biggest weakness in school. I hope someday to overcome the pattern, but I have a feeling that the remainder of this semester will fall victim to this awful disease that contaminates my mind. Better luck in the future.

Wedding!

I went to a wedding today. It still catches me off guard sometimes that I'm actually at the age where my friends are getting married ...

Anyway, I love going to weddings. You see people you haven't seen in a while and get to party it up with old friends and new strangers. It's so much fun. =]

The other reason why I really like weddings is because it gives me good ideas for my wedding ... whenever that may be. I really liked a lot of the things they did at this one. It was beautiful and an awesome combination of classy yet low maintenance. It was a blast. I try to keep little running lists in my head for when the day comes to start planning mine, but I'm sure I'll forget a few here and there until then. Oh well. It's fun to daydream every once in a while. =]

Love and relationships.

Okay so let's be real here for a second (not that that's different from any other post, but anyway ...).

As a woman of God, one of the hardest things for me (and I suspect I'm not the only one) is learning how to wait. Waiting for God to fulfill our dreams for life, for love, for relationships.

Let's face it, the world is so backwards these days when it comes to dating. The norm is meet a guy, maybe have a date or two, jump into bed and then possibly get to know him for a few weeks and see if it works out. If it does, move in, if not, eh better luck next time. SERIOUSLY?! I cannot for the life of me understand how this is healthy. (Please note, I am not judging, condemning, or pointing fingers at anyone here -- merely stating my opinion -- please don't take it personally or be offended). I am in classes where the professors assume that everyone is this way. They have conversations and discussions with us under the pretense that everyone is "experienced" in that sort of way. Do they, or anyone else (media, administration, authority figures, etc) even stop to consider the perhaps small, but still important population of those who choose to NOT act this way?

In all honesty, I would not want to be in high school again in today's world (granted, I'm not that far removed, but still). The shows on TV, the books, the stories all point to sex and other misbehavings. As a college student, the community I am a part of daily is also filled with the same culture, but I can choose to separate myself from it if I so desire.

Okay, I feel like this is coming out all wrong ... basically what I'm trying to say is that it's often times difficult for me to say "okay, God. I'm trusting you with my hopes of someday getting married. I will not go after a guy the way I see so many girls doing; I will wait patiently for what and who you have for me because I know that it is your good pleasing and perfect will for my life."

I wonder sometimes if it would be easier to simply say "forget it" and go live it up, but honestly, I think I would regret it as soon as I did it. For me, living for God, knowing that I have a relationship with him, is so much more important to me than having a boyfriend or even having a guarantee of getting married someday. So, I may be the only girl who doesn't have a date on a Friday night, but you know what, I would trade a thousand dates for just a few moments with my God. I trust that he knows better for me than I do and that each day he is leading me down the path that he planned for my life before I was even thought of by any other human.

This may have come off a little harsh, and I apologize if it did. I'm just trying to say that I don't get it. I see the hurt, pain and chaos of the world and simply ask 'why?' Why even try to go a day without having God by your side? I honestly don't think I could make it ...

One Day ...

Today was TOMS Shoes One Day Without Shoes Event.

Basically TOMS encourages everyone to take this one day and go without shoes. It promotes their cause as well as gives you a little insight into what it is like for children who spend most of their lives without a pair of shoes.


Last year I was in my first semester at Millersville when this event came around (I had participated before, but never here). I was too nervous/embarrassed/self conscious to participate. I had planned to do it, but when I got to campus I chickened out. This year I was determined to do it ... no matter what!

I was reminded last night that today was the day (good thing) so I planned it out. I had to go to work in the morning where I am absolutely required to wear shoes, but as soon as I stepped out of the doors, the shoes came off. It was FREEZING and rainy. It got better in the afternoon, but still ... so cold.

It truly made me think about how kids literally go their whole lives without shoes. When I was little, I'd run around barefoot all summer, but I always had shoes (more than enough, might I add) to put on when I had to go somewhere or whatever. These kids have NOTHING. It puts life into perspective a bit. We in America worry about the silliest little things, yet we have wealth beyond our knowledge. What would it be like to live in a garbage dump with all the filth and dangerous things and have no shoes for protection? That is a reality that many kids face each day.

I challenge you: take one day and just think about how lucky you are, and then think about what you can do to help. It may be as simple as going without shoes for a day to spread the news/raise awareness, or it could be something much bigger. Be assured, nothing is too small when it's purpose is to help those who need it most.

BUT GOD

We all have dreams and admirations in our lives. It is our choices that dictate whether or not we become successful in those dreams or whether they change as time moves on.

I've had the same basic set of dreams for my life since I was younger. Now, they've changed form a bit and I've tweaked them here and there, but essentially, they remain the same as when I was in middle school.

I dream of a family with lots of kids, some related to me biologically and some not, but all related by love. I dream of new languages and different colors -- a home for those who have none. I also dream of educating. I want to teach to give a future to those who may not have one otherwise. I want to be a mother, a caregiver, a wife and a friend. I want to teach, love, laugh and cry. I want to go exactly where it is God has planned for me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm so far off this path. I can't see how my life now will connect to my hopes of someday. I feel stuck in an indefinite sidetrack -- quicksand or a mudtrap -- constantly walking in circles, looking for the breadcrumbs I left on the way here.

BUT GOD.

...has a plan; ...can see the way out that I may not know; ...may have me here for a purpose; ...may say this is no sidetrack at all; ...can always see the bigger picture.

Where I may feel I'm walking in circles, God has a plan, a purpose and a destiny. I am where I am supposed to be regardless of my feelings. I know that God placed these dreams in my heart and I know that I'm doing my best to follow His will in my life, therefore, I know that I am right where I'm supposed to be. Sometimes, I just forget to look up.

Thank God He knows where I'm headed and where I am, because I certainly do not. =]

Be encouraged today because God knows exactly where you are!

Yes, I'm quite a Diva.

I love getting all dressed up, doing my hair (the right way) and putting on fabulous make up, but only when I have somewhere to go. It's even better if wherever I am going gives me a spotlight -- even for just a few minutes -- because then I know that my effort in making myself look at gorgeous as possible was not in vain. (Yes, I am being a bit dramatic here, but reread my title).

Tonight was the big night -- Poetry Aloud! at Millersville's downtown campus. It was spectacular! I could have stayed there the whole night listening to everyone's creativity, but I felt bad for dragging my friends there whom I knew would be much more interested in the art galleries down the street. Still,  the time I was there was awesome! I hope to find more chances to participate in something like this and again, my only regret is that I did not stay longer.

Happy First Day of Poetry Month!! =]