Late night ramblings of a nervous mind ...

Not being able to sleep is an interesting phenomenon. Whether caused by caffeine, a late afternoon nap, nervousness or excitement, it tends to be an annoying occurrence for its victims. Unfortunately, this is one such night where I have fallen victim to this strange, but all too frequent ailment. I am sitting in my grandparents' darkened house with merely the glow of my computer screen and the ticking of clocks as company.

I'm headed to Grove City tomorrow.
This statement is not one that I've uttered for almost a year and a half and brings with it some interesting side effects. I am both excited and nervous to be visiting the campus of my dream school and first year of college. I miss it almost every day. For reasons I am not going to explain on here, I transferred home after a year of excitement, adventure and life lessons. I've only been back once since the day I moved out.

I can still picture the college as it was that year: green and picturesque with tall buildings that were grayed from the students that passed through their doors year after year. I remember the grasses that were framed with the tan cement sidewalks and the black iron gates that decorated the garden. I can still picture the chapel, proud with its rows and rows of wooden benches filled with drowsy students every Tuesday and Thursday morning. I can still hear the peacefulness of the campus.

I'm anxious to return, mostly to see friends and relive some memories, but there's part of me that hopes my return will dash to pieces this fantasy land I've created it to be in my head. I still have dreams of going back; not metaphorical dreams, but literal when I close my eyes and fall asleep kind of dreams, and the "what if game" has become a weekly habit as well.

Yes, I miss it, but no, I don't regret my choice. I know without a doubt that God wanted me home for this time in my life. It wasn't about being too young or naive, or even about getting homesick or wanting to be with my family. There is a much bigger picture of whose edges I am just beginning to glimpse. So, for now, I look forward to tomorrow, but with the same breath thank God that it is only just "tomorrow."

Now if only I could get some sleep ...