Toasting the Future.

Today I closed a wonderful chapter in my life. I said goodbye to IU13 so that I can put my all into becoming a great teacher. I will miss all of the wonderful people, opportunities and experiences I found while working there. Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye. ♥

This was my Facebook status Friday afternoon. At the time, and even now, three days later, there is still a bittersweet feeling lingering in my heart. I loved my job at the IU, and ever since I moved home, it has been a part of me.

But ... it's time to move on.

I am anticipating a lot of changes in the very near future. My brother graduates from high school in just a little less than two weeks. He will be going to school about an hour away, but no longer having him around the house will be strange. My youngest brother starts high school in the fall. I was looking at old pictures the other day and remembering how small and hilarious he was as a toddler. The hilarious part hasn't changed much, the the small thing definitely has. My sister will be a junior in high school next year, and although the coming year looks potentially uneventful in her arena, life often has a way of surprising us in exactly those moments.

And that's just the changes happening with my siblings ...

Something new for me (besides not having a job at the IU anymore) is actually being in a legit high school classroom. I've never functioned as a "teacher" in a public (or private for that matter) school before. It's always been at the IU with adults, but here is the opportunity I've been dreaming of (literally) since I was a kid. I'm really excited to take on this new role in my life. Hopefully I can learn to become at least half as great as the amazing teachers I had while growing up.

And that's just the beginning ...

Right now, this experience of being in a classroom that is headed my way, is the biggest item on my radar. I am sure there will be more changes this year to come, in fact, I would bet on it, but right now, I just can't see them. And that's okay. I look forward to new challenges and awesome experiences, even if they do sneak up on me (which I am sure that they will)!

So, if I were making a toast, I would raise my sparkling glass and say, "Here's to new adventures and not knowing all that's headed around the corner! May we take each moment and learn from it!"

Busyness versus Hurrying

This weekend I went on a no technology retreat with my 20-somethings group at church. The message Saturday night centered around busyness versus hurrying (basically) and he basically asked us to look at our life and see what it looked like. Most of us realized that we hurry through our day and come to the end and are not able to rest appropriately because we still have a million things cluttering our mind. To be busy and manage it well usually gives us a feel of accomplishment and it allows us to get everything done and feel good about it. Hurrying forces us to skim over things and not give any one thing our best effort. We jump from one priority to the next and even things that are supposed to be enjoyable become a chore.

Well, today I can say that I seriously feel that i took what could have been an insanely hurried day and turned it into merely a busy one. I felt like I mastered all that I did and I enjoyed it. At the end of the day I didn't feel extremely exhausted or discouraged that I didn't do my best, I actually felt great! Finding the balance in everyday life, for me, seems to be the difference between just getting by and soaring.

I've had to make a few changes lately, and I'm not going to lie, I'm not really all for them, but I know they need to be done. My priorities have been shifted a bit and I've even had to drop a few things. I'm learning that to really succeed with my schedule, there needs to be a balance and sacrifices.

I'm really excited for what's ahead. Like REALLY excited. I interviewed at a school today for an internship position for next year and I had a blast. Despite their decision, I will be in a school for all of next year, and not just for student teaching in the Spring. I feel like I'm finally moving in the direction of actually becoming a teacher instead of just floundering in classes. I'm so excited for this opportunity.

I also had two exams today, one before and one after the interview. Now, I obviously won't know my scores until later this week, but I was really quite satisfied with how I felt coming out of them. I probably didn't blow them out of the water, but I feel good about it.

I think a big part of how you feel about your day depends on attitude. Choosing to have a positive attitude can make all the difference. Situations can be crappy, but if you have a positive attitude (not fake-positive, but just positive) things will go that much better. At least that's what I think =]

A new kind of restlessness ...

I just want to feel like my life is making a difference. I don't know why, but lately I've just been feeling insignificant, like I'm not doing enough to make a difference in the world. It's as simple as I don't have someone to love/take care of and so I feel as though I'm doing nothing ... all the way to as complex as I'm not changing the world so what am I doing?

Okay that probably didn't really make sense. Here goes an explanation ...
I'm a mother at heart; I care genuinely about those around me. I feel as though I'm not really "caring" for anyone right now in any sense really so I'm feeling kinda down. Also, it's like major baby season. I know like 10 people who either just had a baby, are having a baby or just found out they are pregnant. It's ridiculous. My favorite dream in life is to be a mother, so that just adds to the blahness right now.

On a more complex note (to switch to the other end of the ellipsis) I want to change the world. It will probably be simply by changing a few lives here and there, but still, it will be a change. This week I just feel like I've done nothing to advance that. I feel as if my work and daily routine have been pointless in the grand scheme of things. I'm getting restless and I have no idea how to combat that because it's a weird kind of restlessness one that won't be satisfied unless I'm doing something "important."

We had a guest speaker at church this morning and he was talking about Generation Y and what he deems iY. I won't go into it, but I basically learned a lot about myself today. Like the fact that I want to change the world and probably have more of an empathy to do it that my younger siblings. It just kind of showed me a little bit as to why I've been feeling like this, but not totally. Anyway, the guy was awesome. His name is Tim Elmore and I really look forward to reading some of his stuff on the current and upcoming generations.

So ... I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about this blah feeling, but I will say, this helped a bit. I'm hoping that it just came from the fact that I was off school this week and extremely less busy than normal. If it's not, well then I'm not quite sure how I'm going to fix it, but I'll find some way.

One thing I know is, God knows how I'm feeling. He knows why I'm feeling this way and how it's all going to turn out. So for now, I'll just trust that He knows what's best and that it's all part of His plan.

Friday Night anti-activities

I'm beginning to find that my life is following a very ridiculous pattern. It seems that I am crazy during the weeks and even more so on a typical Saturday and Sunday, but Friday night -- oh boy. Nothing. It's like I am a freight train powering down the tracks at top speed but then out of no where, the break lever is pulled and I slam on my breaks, screechingly coming to a halt.

I literally feel like I'm going crazy on Friday nights. Too much of a change of pace is not something I handle well. The insanity of the week met by the complete emptiness of Friday nights is both depressing and annoying. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a bit of down time, but to have absolutely nothing to do in the midst of my ridiculously crazy life is like a splash of cold water -- throws me off and makes me feel like my life accumulates to nothing at the end of the week. So strange.

What makes it worse is when my *younger* siblings have plans -- the siblings in middle school and high school, with or without licenses, out traipsing about and I'm at home literally watching a Criminal Minds marathon. I'm too cheap to go sit in a theater by myself and too bored to call every person I know until I find someone who will agree to hang out with me. The pointlessness of the situation glares at me with every tick of the clock in the living room.

Here's hoping the rest of the summer breaks this lovely pattern that my life has so wonderfully fallen into.

Fun in the Kitchen

I love cooking. Sometimes it takes too long, but when I have the time and I'm not starving, I love making food. Tonight I made arroz con pollo, which my dad fondly calls "rice and chicken." I told my sister and mom that I think this is quickly becoming one of my favorite things to make, but it takes soooo long. I subscribed to Rachael Ray's magazine as well to get sweet recipes and good ideas. I love watching Food Network (but I'm picky about what chefs I watch) and I've taught myself a lot just from observing.

The one problem I have with cooking is I get bored easily. So I tend to get into a rut for a while and make the same thing over and over, but then I decide I don't want to make that anymore. I also never have time! Ugh. That's the stinky part about class schedules sometimes -- I don't have time to be fun and creative. I came up with this pasta dish one time. It was soo good! Spinach, tiny shells, chicken and Parmesan cheese with milk, butter and laughing cow wedges. Delicious! It's just fun to experiment in the kitchen. It will be fun when I get my own place to cook for myself I think, or when I get married to cook for my family.

I try to cook for my family now but it can be hard because often times we just piece together items (like chicken and vegetables), but that gets boring. Also, we're hardly ever all home to enjoy a meal together. Plus, we have varying tastes and preferences in my family. It's rare to find a dinner that everyone likes (but arroz con pollo seems to have managed to win that award for now). I guess if I had more time, I would do it more often, but like I said, it's hard most days.

My dad makes incredible jambalaya. A few years ago he was on this cooking kick and would make all kinds of awesome meals. We would watch Emeril on Food Network and imitate his famous BAM! while we were cooking. I think I picked up my hobby from him. I almost spent my last year of high school and the Career and Technology Center in their culinary arts program. I seriously would love to go to a culinary arts school and learn the trade. I think it would be a lot of fun, but I have to finish this degree first before I can ever hope of heading elsewhere. It would be awesome to actually learn all the skills involved with cooking. Whether it would take all the fun out of it, I'm not sure, but I think it would be worth it. Rachael Ray always seems to have a good time in the kitchen, so why shouldn't I?

The end is within sight!

Wow, it's been a while. The semester is finally over, although grades are not posted yet. I'm a little nervous, but it's in God's hands at this point ... I'm taking the one week break before my summer classes start to relax ... and work. I have a book that I want to finish and some Shakespeare that I want to start before I have to read it every night. I have a bit of cleaning to do as well. It will be nice to not have to be out late (unless I want to of course) and to just focus on life for bit. But soon enough, I'll be back in the classroom studying and all-consumed with work.

Speaking of the classroom, I am really excited for some possibilities for next year. I can't wait to actually get into a school and start the final steps in the process of becoming a teacher. I can't believe that (hopefully) in a year I will be graduated! I look back on life and see just how far God has brought me. I finally am at a place where I don't despise my decision to transfer to Millersville (nothing against MU itself, it's just not Grove City). The light is within sight. There is a lot of hard work and long hours between now and then, but I'm ready. For the next year, school is first -- I may not be very happy about it at some points, but I will be so glad when I reach the end.

So for now, I will relax, and then it's back to the grindstone. I can do this! =]