First Day of Transition.

I'm sitting here in the lobby of one of the buildings on campus watching as people rush by, already late for class on their first day ... It is a new first day for me. Not only is it my first day of classes at Millersville this school year, but it is the first day of my senior year. Not only is it the first day of my senior year of classes, but it is the first day of my year of transition from student to teacher.

This morning I reported to Reynolds Middle School for my first day as "Miss Barnhart." The sixth graders were so cute and nervous and overexcited. For some of them, they are still at that point in their lives when they actually enjoy going to school. For me, I always enjoy it ... I just don't always enjoy all the things that go with it -- like the homework and waking up early.

There's always an energy on the first day of school. It fuels the day and even part of the year. The sense of "new" is a particularly interesting concept. What I will never understand is how people are indifferent to firsts -- particularly the first day of school. I don't know; I just think there is too much emotion tied into the experience that it is impossible -- at least for me -- to feel nothing.

Well, something for sure this semester will teach me is that I need to be sure I get enough rest. Sitting here right now waiting for my first MU class to start, I am exhausted -- my body is begging for a nap. If this is going to go well by any means, I am going to need to revise some habits -- I need to make use of the in between time and go to bed earlier. Prepare the night before so that there is no rush in the morning. It is certainly a transition year, but the transitions and changes should only be for the better. =)

Patience, Flexibility, Questions, and Surrender

Already this experience is teaching me something. It is yet to be the beginning of school and already I've learned a few very important lessons.

Flexibility is key.
Patience is absolutely necessary.
It is okay to ask questions.
Sometimes there is just nothing you can do, but don't give up until every option has been examined.

As I've written before, I am part of the Professional Development School this year for Junior Block and then on into Student Teaching. I am super excited for the experience and cannot wait to get it underway. However, irony has received the prize for, well, being irony. I am one of only two (at least that is what I have been led to believe) students who still do not have their placements for the fall. I am supposed to meet with my mentor/co-operating teacher on Friday and then be in class with them on Monday, but as I have yet to find out who it is, I'm not sure how solid those plans are.

I found myself this evening extremely overwhelmed with this information. My mood dropped and my attitude found its way to a dark corner. Tears seemed inevitable. But God. I am reminded daily, if not hourly or by the minute, that God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I have committed this internship to Him and know that no matter what happens, He works everything for the good. I've been praying to be placed in the right classroom with the right teacher, and fully believe that God is going to do just that.

So ... long story short -- yes, I am anxious, a little frustrated, and extremely antsy over not knowing where I am supposed to report on Friday, but I firmly believe that God will lot let my prayers go unanswered and will place me in the classroom that will be the exact place he planned to put me all along. The end. =)

Playing Catch-Up

It's been a crazy almost week since I last wrote. We moved Ben into college. I had fun, but my parents definitely did not. Note to self: get as far away from home when parents move Jana in ...

Speaking of Jana ... she wrecked my car yesterday. I got a text from her saying "I hope you don't like [your car] very much because [it] just got into an accident." I was like WHAT?!?! Fortunately everyone was/is okay and it's just the front left corner that was damaged. It's at the repair shop already ... thankfully.

I've bought my school supplies, some food I can actually eat, the remainder of my books, a parking permit and registered for the praxis ii so what little I brought home from working for my uncle has been just about depleted. Oy. I will quote one of my friends (which one it was I can't seem to remember) "Growing up is expensive!" and it truly truly is.

I've been exploring my post graduation options -- it's a little early, I know, but I like to plan ahead for these things. I have some ideas, but I'm looking forward to the year for hopefully a few more ideas/options. We'll see where I end up.

For a few days last week and the majority of this week, I am playing Mom -- or at least that's what it feels like sometimes. It's kinda fun actually. I basically supposed to keep the kitchen clean, keep the table cleared off and make dinner for everyone -- oh and take care of/be responsible for any and all kids that are at the house during the day. Today I also had to play chauffeur for my brother to and from soccer practice. Eh, it's not a bad way to spend the week ... I get to relax a bit too ... oh and I got a Vera Bradley bag out of the deal! =)

I honestly cannot believe school starts on Monday. Life has flown by these past few years. People told me that it would, but it's taken until now to really see how much truth those words possessed. Entering my senior year is mind blowing, but exciting at the same time. I meet with my mentor on Friday at Reynolds Middle School and will be in full swing come Monday morning. My siblings are growing up and times are changing. Life is getting more and more interesting each and every day. I wonder what else God has in store for me. Looking forward to the year!

My Wonderful Siblings

My brother moves into college tomorrow. In honor of his farewell and the start of another school year we had one of our semi regular/spring it on us whenever something important is going on family meetings. Each sibling prayed for each other and we through that we each were able to truly realize what new adventures we were stepping into. I thank God not often enough for the opportunity to watch my amazing younger siblings grow up. I am so proud to call them family. Each has such unique giftings, but together we just fit. I've loved the time I've spent with them since I've moved back home and I look forward to continuing to build stronger relationships as time goes on.

Since I write about myself a lot, I'm going to skip what's new in my life and lay out what's going on with my brothers and sister.

Ben as of tomorrow is a freshman at Eastern University in their honors college. He will be playing soccer and doing school work til all hours of the night, I'm sure. It's his first real adventure sans family and I can see the excitement wafting off of him. He's anxious to test his independence. He's grown so much in the past year and he will do great, I'm sure. This is the kid who killed his SAT's and was second in his class. He balanced all of his extra curriculars and got 5's on all of his AP exams but one (which he got a 4 on). He plays guitar like a pro, but doesn't believe it. He's that guy that every girl likes and he makes them all feel special. He's a heartbreak waiting to happen but too nice of a guy to let it.

Jana is sixteen, soon to be seventeen and a junior in high school. With Ben leaving for school, she is inheriting his car -- which is a stick shift. She's spent the past few days learning how not to stall and how to maneuver around in the tiny Honda Civic. She's a class officer and an officer in many other activities as well. She has such a way with people that I will never understand because it's just so natural for her. She just started her first job a few weeks ago and is adapting like a fish to water. We've grown closer since I moved back home and I love having a sister. We're so different, but it's just fun.

Joseph will be a freshman in high school this year. He turns fifteen in October which is mind boggling in its own right. This week he tried out for the high school soccer team and made varsity. I couldn't be prouder. He's a jack of all trades. He plays soccer, basketball, runs track and dabbles in music and writing (but only when he has to). His intelligence has gotten him in trouble more than once, but his ideas are mind breaking and he will probably be one of those people you read about in professional magazines one day. He's hilarious and the baby of the family but has grown up more in the past year than anyone I've ever met. He's still my little brother, but he's quickly growing into someone I want to be friends with. It is wonderful to watch him succeed in life.

These are the three I'm stuck with -- for the rest of my life -- and I couldn't be happier. They each have such great influence and have been so blessed. I have been blessed just being their sister. They are amazing people and I hope they understand and realize that. I love them with everything in me. This is my family.

Dinner with Friends.

I had four girls over for dinner tonight. It was a mini cabin reunion from a retreat I went on earlier in the summer. I made pasta with chicken and broccoli in homemade sauce and garlic bread. Someone else brought salad and dessert. It was delicious.

We spent the evening chatting and I read them part of my story that has been coming along. I had read some of it to them on the retreat and surprisingly, they were anxious to hear more. I am always shocked when people enjoy my writing. It was so great to just relax with a group of girls -- women -- that I trust and have important things in common.

Looking back to a year ago, this never would have happened. I had very few friends in the area and even fewer girl friends. I am constantly amazed at how quickly it seemed to turn around. One week I felt completely alone and the next I was having people over for an evening of food and games. That's what it felt like.

I've realized the importance of having good friends. I can just imagine that after a long day of work, it will be wonderful to chat with someone who won't judge, berate or scold me. Having friends seems to allow you to forget about the reality of life, even for just an hour of so. Among true friends, you can drop all pretenses and worries. Stress can fade and true joy can spread in your heart.

A year from now, I very well may have a different group of friends, or depending on where life and God take me, I could be in a situation more similar to the one from a year ago. No matter what, I know that with or without a group of friends, I always have a confidant in God. He's the only thing that got me through the time when I felt so alone. So happy that that time is past, but so grateful that He's one friend that I will never lose ... even if I can't really invite Him to sit down to dinner with us. =)

Home again

So, I'm back in Lancaster County. Often times my return from long trips would elicit mixed emotions; never sure if I was happy or sad, but I was home nonetheless. This return seems similar but in more complex situations.

I am happy to be home; happy to see my family and spend time with my brother who is very shortly leaving for college; happy to have no specific daily routine and just allow myself to actually have a "vacation."

But then again, coming home means the start of the end. It's the end of school as I know it, it's the end of my family as a whole unit where before I was always the one leaving and they were all still home and intact. Coming home also signified the need to start getting back into school mode, start getting things in order.

There are a few things haunting me in these last two weeks before school starts:

~ I absolutely want to finish writing my story. The editing can come later, but I want the story finished.
~ I still have no idea where I will be placed for the year and who my cooperating teacher will be.
~ I have to fill out another exception to graduate form for pretty much the same thing that was approved but then messed up at the end of last semester.
~ I need to start realizing that I am an adult.

~ Oh, and I have no structure at all for these next two weeks -- I get antsy just thinking about it ...

Okay so yeah. That's what's going on in my life now that I am home. Our mini almost trip to NYC that got rained out kinda helped me jump back into things, but now I'm feeling the lack of activity. It's the first time all summer when I've had no outside sources pressing me for attention or asking for my promised obligation. It's a crazy two weeks and part of me is glad it's only that much and the rest of me is screaming that it's not going to be long enough, but it is what it is and whether I like it or not, I will be "Miss Barnhart" in a matter of only a few short weeks.

What has this world come to??

Girl in a Pawn Shop

I've loved being the only girl working down at the store. Now, don't get me wrong, there are some times when a customer would brush me off because I am a girl, but half the time I didn't want to deal with a grumpy old man anyway. I think it was good for the guys to have a girl around for a little while. It kept them on their toes.

Often, I was treated like a little girl which was kind of funny sometimes, but annoying other times. Like for instance, Jerry (one of the guys working there) would watch over my shoulder almost every time I bought gold -- even after I had successfully done it several times before that when he wasn't there. I mean, it's always nice to have a second pair of eyes, but still. Other times it was a joking manner. Like I could do anything I wanted and get away with it. It was all in good fun of course.

Today though, I saw that the guys weren't merely tolerating me, but actually enjoyed having me there. It was a nice feeling to know that although I was the boss's niece and just in for a little while and didn't know much about anything (but I learned quick!) they still treated me like an employee. We joked and worked together possibly better than some of the other people that work there. I even got a "going away present" from one of the guys. It was sweet. He gave me my own loupe and magnet so that when I go home I can go scavenging for gold and silver =)

Coming into this 4-week stint, I definitely thought I was going to get tired of working in the shop everyday, that it would ruin it for me, but surprisingly, it didn't. I actually really think I'm going to miss it. I'm excited for a break in school when I can come back and work for a few more days. I think it was my mom who told me that she didn't expect me to enjoy it as much as I do. There's just something about working with customers and never knowing what's going to come through the door. At least I know that if teaching fails, I have a place in the pawn industry. hehe. =)

Learning.

I've been learning A LOT in my brief little stay out here in Western Pa. For instance, I learned how to take the weight of a piece of gold in grams and determine the price of that piece. I've also learned how to tell a fake Morgan Dollar from a real one and I've perfected my ability to look up prices on eBay and price them accordingly for the store.

I've also been learning a lot about my family. I learned that my mom's mom and dad were married at 18 and 20 years old (respectively) and that my grandma loved being a housewife. I learned that at one point in time my grandfather held 3 jobs at once while also being a husband and father.

I learned that a week can feel like 3 days and four weeks like two, but that no matter how far or long I'm away I will always miss my family back home. I learned that just because you say something and convince others of it, it doesn't mean you've convinced yourself, particularly your subconscious.

I've learned that people can bounce back even if at one point in their life they seemed irreversible. I've learned that people can really be good people or they can really be manipulative people, but they should be loved nonetheless. And I've learned that just because I have a set of standards that I live by doesn't mean that everyone else does or should live by them.

I realize everyday that I don't know myself as well as I think I do, and each Sunday God gives me one more thing the rejoice about. I've spent more time in the Word than I probably ever have on my own and I've seen the seed begin to grow in my own heart. As I am surrounded by those who do not live in the Spirit, my time with God builds me up and allows me to be an influence instead of being influenced.

I've both grown up and returned to childhood; made plans for the future, but reminisced in the past. I've managed to save and not always to spend and I've learned to listen.

Each day it seems something new comes my way: a new adventure, a new lesson, a new reason to press on with all that I have. I don't know what's to come; I'm not even guaranteed my next breath, but I know that God is faithful and is continuing a work He started in me a long time ago. I know I'm His which assures me, it's all going to turn out just fine.

Local color

It is amazing to me how completely different two communities can be.

The part of Lancaster County that I am from is hopeful, continuously on the rise, and forever striving to be socially elite.

Across the state, working in the "hood" at the pawn shop these past few weeks, I've encountered a completely different type of community. Since the steel mills no longer provide massive amounts of jobs, the little towns in the area have a depressed feel to them. The people always seem to be trying to catch up. They are a rougher, more real people -- without the polished edges or proper politeness -- than almost any I've encountered.

These towns are places where people watch out for their own, and are quick to do what it takes to make ends meet. A bargain is expected and wherever you can shave a dollar you do. If you've met someone once, you have a connection the next time you meet. Friends help friends out. Money is a necessity, not a priority.

I've seen more cigarettes, tattoos, piercings, chew, heard more swear words, slang, and grammatical errors in the past 3 weeks than I probably have in my life. But that's normal here. People don't assume they're better than their neighbors. No one judges the clothes you wear or the writing on your arm. No one cares if you split infinitives or pronounce your o's funny. It's western Pennsylvania -- the downtrodden suburbs of Pittsburgh. It's a whole different world out here.

Forget what then, Here is NOW!

I've been thinking a lot about the next year and all that it has in store for me. I will be in a classroom as a "student teacher" all next year. Then, in May, I will take the short walk across the platform that signifies my proceeding from college student to college graduate, the transformation from student to adult.

The question I've been getting a lot lately is "what then?" What happens after I graduate? What will I do then? It's the most common response to my telling someone that I only have one year left. So, in response, I've been thinking a lot about my "next step."

This time away has given me a good look at what life may be like away from my family that I love so dearly. Despite that I have only been gone for 3 weeks and that I am staying with family, I miss my siblings terribly. Skype is a wonderful thing that allows me to have conversations with them (without cell phone charges) and I actually get to see them. It's not the same as seeing them in person, but it's the next best thing.

The reason I say this is because for a while now, I've been feeling that I really want to teach overseas at least for a year or two before I actually "settle down." I've always loved traveling and experiencing new cultures, but I haven't yet got to actually become a part of a new culture. I have such a hunger for new places and people and new environments outside of the  United States that it has been all I could do to stay stateside for these past 3 years.
I'm not quite sure where I want to go; I'd love to see Europe, but I'd also love to visit South America. At this point, my options are endless. Maybe I'll spend one year teaching in Europe, exploring on the weekends, and another year teaching in Argentina or Chile. Who knows where God will take me after I graduate.

But truly, before I can even begin to really think and get excited for the what then I must first embrace the here and now. There's a Steven Curtis Chapman song that talks about doing everything you do for the glory of God, and that is my prayer for this time, and always. No matter where I go or what I do, I pray that I do it as if it is for the Lord. We can easily get caught up in the what ifs and if onlys and as soon as I finish this project I can start the next one mentalities that often the present slips away. I'm praying for purpose for TODAY. Each day, one step at a time. =)

Half way mark

I had three goals for my time here in Western Pa:

1. Work as much as I can to make as much money as I can
2. Read as much as I can because I will no longer be in class
3. Write as much as I can because when I'm at home I always find ways to get distracted

Well, now that I am a little over half way through my time here I can happily report that I am succeeding in 2 of these goals, but failing miserably at the other. I have worked every day except for Thursdays and Sundays since I got here and I have read 3 and 1/3 books since I've been here. Unfortunately I have only written about 2 pages in my story.

Not only was this time supposed to be about working and saving money, but it was supposed to be sort of a vacation for me as well. It is a time to relax, spend time with my grandparents and not worry about school or any of the problems that come with it. Despite working almost every day, it really has been like a vacation for me. It's been great. I love being able to come home after working and just relax. We typically have dinner and watch the Pirates. I read or blog and then go to bed at a respectable time (like 10 or 11) and wake up feeling wonderful. It's been a delight waking up at 8am after 5 weeks of having to be at school by 7:30am.

I'm learning a lot about a lot of different things -- err, rather -- I'm learning a little about a lot of things. It's just fun. I'm not saving as much as I should because buying gifts for people is just too tempting. =)
It's been two weeks since I arrived and a little less than two weeks until I go home. Time is flying by, much like life and all I can do is embrace every moment and live it solely to glorify Him.