So I'm laying in bed here on this Saturday morning, marveling at the fact that I am awake before 10am. I looked over at my wall and read through the quote I painted there a few months ago.
Life's not about waiting
For the storm to pass
But instead, it's about
Learning to dance in the rain.
That last line has been almost like a life motto for the past year or so, and I was reminded of it again today. I love to dance, but ever since my injury two years ago, I just haven't been able to do it. I miss it terribly, but know that In my spirit, in the depths of my soul, I can still dance. I'm not waiting for the storm to pass, but instead I'm learning how to dance through the difficulties life throws my way, metaphorically speaking of course. I find joy in the little things (like the fact that I am no longer on crutches!! and that I didn't have to get a cast or surgery, merely a boot for my injured calf muscle!! yay!!) and I've learned that despite my circumstances, I can be joyful. It's all about your attitude. I choose to have a positive outlook -- a friend of mine inadvertently taught me the importance of that back when I initially injured my ankle and did not know the importance of staying positive.
Yes, I miss the life I had before, but I know that God has a plan and a purpose and promises to "work all things for the good of those who love him and who have been called according to his purpose." I do my best to embrace that fact each day, especially when I feel like a dork traipsing around in my boot. God is good and that doesn't change no matter what trials may come. I am delighted and humbled to call him Lord and know that he knows exactly where this all is heading.
Praise the Lord for his new mercies each morning! =]
25 June 2011
22 June 2011
Deja Vu
So I'm experiencing a bit of deja vu. A little over a year ago I had surgery on my right ankle and calf muscle. I've been battling with orthopedic surgeons and neurologists ever since. Today something snapped in my left calf muscle. I am back on crutches waiting to hear from the orthopedic.
Although my physical situation is similar to a yea ago, I thank God that I'm in a much better place spiritually and emotionally than I was the last time I went through this. God has taught me a lot through the pain and heartache, and I've come out better than I was going in.
Obviously, I wish this wasn't happening to me, no one would want this in their life, but I'm seeing God's mercy, grace, and blessings through tribulation and trial. I know that this is nothing compared to what many many people go through on a daily basis, but still it is a struggle I face, and therefore a means through which God can work. I pray that God brings me answers through this new injury, but even if he doesn't I know that there is a plan and a purpose that prevails despite anything I face is this life.
I thank God for his strength to get this far and I pray for his patience as he continues to work in and through my life.
Although my physical situation is similar to a yea ago, I thank God that I'm in a much better place spiritually and emotionally than I was the last time I went through this. God has taught me a lot through the pain and heartache, and I've come out better than I was going in.
Obviously, I wish this wasn't happening to me, no one would want this in their life, but I'm seeing God's mercy, grace, and blessings through tribulation and trial. I know that this is nothing compared to what many many people go through on a daily basis, but still it is a struggle I face, and therefore a means through which God can work. I pray that God brings me answers through this new injury, but even if he doesn't I know that there is a plan and a purpose that prevails despite anything I face is this life.
I thank God for his strength to get this far and I pray for his patience as he continues to work in and through my life.
16 June 2011
Irony.
I think it's ironic how I have chosen a profession that forces me to wake up early and go all day long.
I'm currently taking my summer 2 session classes, one of which requires me to be at school and awake enough to take notes by 7:30am. I'm sitting here thinking to myself, I have no blessed idea how I'm going to do this everyday all year long. I've never been much of a "morning person," and typically I grumble when my alarm goes off, no matter what time it is. It takes me a good while (usually) to fully wake up and welcome the world.
I know that through life, we adjust and our bodies respond the way they must to fit our schedules, but it's interesting because even through grade school, I always had a difficult time waking up in the mornings. I rise to the challenge each day, but I just find it humoring that I've dedicated myself to this life were getting up before the sun is the usual. I know that since God has called me to this, he will help me to adjust and adapt. I also think it will help if I make a point to go to bed before midnight on a regular basis.
These are just the random thoughts that spiral through my head as I sit waiting for my next class and smelling the coffee brewing in my professor's office. =]
I'm currently taking my summer 2 session classes, one of which requires me to be at school and awake enough to take notes by 7:30am. I'm sitting here thinking to myself, I have no blessed idea how I'm going to do this everyday all year long. I've never been much of a "morning person," and typically I grumble when my alarm goes off, no matter what time it is. It takes me a good while (usually) to fully wake up and welcome the world.
I know that through life, we adjust and our bodies respond the way they must to fit our schedules, but it's interesting because even through grade school, I always had a difficult time waking up in the mornings. I rise to the challenge each day, but I just find it humoring that I've dedicated myself to this life were getting up before the sun is the usual. I know that since God has called me to this, he will help me to adjust and adapt. I also think it will help if I make a point to go to bed before midnight on a regular basis.
These are just the random thoughts that spiral through my head as I sit waiting for my next class and smelling the coffee brewing in my professor's office. =]
13 June 2011
I may have tripped, but I have not fallen.
I was really distracted when I sat down to do my devotions this morning. I was so tired because I had been up late and had to be up early for my new classes. My door was open so I could hear the voices from upstairs floating down to my room and I just was not focusing like I should. I opened up my Bible and read the verse. My thoughts froze. I reread it. It was like God was subtly speaking right to me.
"If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24
I've been praying and thinking a lot about my mess ups in the past and about my relationship with God, and I've even gone as far as to realize that I may be punishing myself, chiding myself, for all the times I've backtracked and fallen on my face. This morning it was like God was telling me that even though I thought I had fallen time and time again, it was merely stumbling, because he catches me each time I trip. It was as if he was reminding me that I am seeking him, maybe not as whole-heartily as I should, but I am and he wants to help me get there.
I know it probably sounds strange and a bit confusing. I'm not doing the greatest job of explaining myself. I read this verse this morning and realized that God is rooting for me. He watches my steps and helps me through the hard times. He catches me when I'm about to fall.
My life is far from perfect, my faith mirrors that as well, but I'm not a lost cause. I'm not as far off as I think I am. God's grace and mercy go much further than I've ever realized. I'm embracing this verse as my lesson from God today. Each day is a new chance to get closer to the one who loves me irrationally, but completely, unlike any other person in the world. Today I am choosing to embrace that opportunity, and hopefully every day after.
"If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24
I've been praying and thinking a lot about my mess ups in the past and about my relationship with God, and I've even gone as far as to realize that I may be punishing myself, chiding myself, for all the times I've backtracked and fallen on my face. This morning it was like God was telling me that even though I thought I had fallen time and time again, it was merely stumbling, because he catches me each time I trip. It was as if he was reminding me that I am seeking him, maybe not as whole-heartily as I should, but I am and he wants to help me get there.
I know it probably sounds strange and a bit confusing. I'm not doing the greatest job of explaining myself. I read this verse this morning and realized that God is rooting for me. He watches my steps and helps me through the hard times. He catches me when I'm about to fall.
My life is far from perfect, my faith mirrors that as well, but I'm not a lost cause. I'm not as far off as I think I am. God's grace and mercy go much further than I've ever realized. I'm embracing this verse as my lesson from God today. Each day is a new chance to get closer to the one who loves me irrationally, but completely, unlike any other person in the world. Today I am choosing to embrace that opportunity, and hopefully every day after.
11 June 2011
Carpe Diem
So, my brother graduated yesterday. It was so strange going through the motions with him and realizing I never had a moment like his. I was sitting in the stands like I did for the 3 classes before mine in high school, but this time I had family among the blue and white. Benjamin was recognized time and time again throughout the service for his outstanding academic, athletic and other extra-curricular achievements. The icing on the cake was listening to them read off his list of accomplishments as they named him salutatorian of his class. I don't know if anyone in my family had a dry eye for that one. It was so special being there and listening to the amazing-ness that was the L-S class of 2011.
I was living vicariously through them for the evening.
I didn't attend my high school graduation.
I "graduated" in January of my senior year to pursue a dream I had since I was in middle school. I went to a Youth With a Mission (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS) for 5 months. I sat in a classroom and learned about God and all that he has for my life as well as had daily chores and things to do to help build my character and teach me about myself. I then spent 2 months in the Pacific Islands of Fiji and Samoa putting into practice the things I learned. I had the time of my life and wouldn't trade it for anything ...
... even graduation.
But it's still so tempting to play the what if game, or at least the ... I wonder what it would have been like ... game. I was never recognized in my graduation. Last night, there were 5 students who graduated in January as well and each one was acknowledged. It wasn't so in 2008. I was merely lost in the chaos. I am glad for those students who were able to achieve their goal and still be part of their graduating class. I like to think that my experience may have helped with that. Sometimes it's just sad to realize you were forgotten.
Overall, the ceremony was beautiful. It started out scorching hot, but as the sun set, it turned into a beautifully serene evening. It was an exceptional class that graduated last night and the ceremony to bid them, as well as several administrators, farewell was no different.
Each year we learn something new. Heck, each day we learn something new. That's the beauty of life and learning. I hope that I never forget to look for the lesson that life is so apt to teach me each day.
Graduation is just a milestone, not an ending, not a beginning, but just a sign that you've made it this far. Life continues for thousands of more miles; I hope that I have and will continue to embrace each one ... Carpe Diem.
I was living vicariously through them for the evening.
I didn't attend my high school graduation.
I "graduated" in January of my senior year to pursue a dream I had since I was in middle school. I went to a Youth With a Mission (YWAM) Discipleship Training School (DTS) for 5 months. I sat in a classroom and learned about God and all that he has for my life as well as had daily chores and things to do to help build my character and teach me about myself. I then spent 2 months in the Pacific Islands of Fiji and Samoa putting into practice the things I learned. I had the time of my life and wouldn't trade it for anything ...
... even graduation.
But it's still so tempting to play the what if game, or at least the ... I wonder what it would have been like ... game. I was never recognized in my graduation. Last night, there were 5 students who graduated in January as well and each one was acknowledged. It wasn't so in 2008. I was merely lost in the chaos. I am glad for those students who were able to achieve their goal and still be part of their graduating class. I like to think that my experience may have helped with that. Sometimes it's just sad to realize you were forgotten.
Overall, the ceremony was beautiful. It started out scorching hot, but as the sun set, it turned into a beautifully serene evening. It was an exceptional class that graduated last night and the ceremony to bid them, as well as several administrators, farewell was no different.
Each year we learn something new. Heck, each day we learn something new. That's the beauty of life and learning. I hope that I never forget to look for the lesson that life is so apt to teach me each day.
Graduation is just a milestone, not an ending, not a beginning, but just a sign that you've made it this far. Life continues for thousands of more miles; I hope that I have and will continue to embrace each one ... Carpe Diem.
08 June 2011
Dating and Waiting on God
We're in the day and age where it is totally acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out.
But what if you're a girl who wants the guy to ask? What happened to wanting to be pursued?
For instance: There's a guy that I've been chatting with for the past few weeks. He seems cool, but I don't really know him. I would love to be like "hey! Wanna grab some coffee and chat?" but the last time I did that, it didn't go over so well. Also, the last guy that I legitimately liked I never got up the nerve to do it because of all the times I screwed up in the past.
When I was younger I consistently made a fool of myself. I would "ask guys out" (we're talking middle school here) on a whim and not care how it made me look. Well, I've learned now that I looked pretty stupid. I've changed, at least I hope that I have. But now I think I'm afraid to do anything. Like I don't even want to hint at the idea of grabbing a coffee or anything for fear of repeating my past.
Plus, if I am the one asking then how does that work with waiting on God? I'm just wondering when my time will come, and if there's anything I can do in the meantime.
I'm not worried about the right guy coming along; I know that God will bring him at the right moment, but I'm just wondering. What if he has brought the right guy along (I'm not saying this guy is the right guy, I'm just talking in general now) and I'm too worried of making an idiot of myself to take a risk and do my part? I've been scarred by my idiot moves in the past that now I just want to passively sit and watch life go by and wait for *the guy* (whomever he is) to do all the work.
Is it okay for me to ask a guy to grab coffee with me? Is it okay for a girl relying on God, to ask a guy out? I feel like I've been so focused on this in the past and not repeating history that I'm deaf to what God's telling me about this. It's like I'm trying to make up for my past mistakes by not even going anywhere near the situations in which they occurred (even if now they may produce different results).
Am I punishing myself or just being cautious?
Oh the wonders of being a girl ... haha. =]
But what if you're a girl who wants the guy to ask? What happened to wanting to be pursued?
For instance: There's a guy that I've been chatting with for the past few weeks. He seems cool, but I don't really know him. I would love to be like "hey! Wanna grab some coffee and chat?" but the last time I did that, it didn't go over so well. Also, the last guy that I legitimately liked I never got up the nerve to do it because of all the times I screwed up in the past.
When I was younger I consistently made a fool of myself. I would "ask guys out" (we're talking middle school here) on a whim and not care how it made me look. Well, I've learned now that I looked pretty stupid. I've changed, at least I hope that I have. But now I think I'm afraid to do anything. Like I don't even want to hint at the idea of grabbing a coffee or anything for fear of repeating my past.
Plus, if I am the one asking then how does that work with waiting on God? I'm just wondering when my time will come, and if there's anything I can do in the meantime.
I'm not worried about the right guy coming along; I know that God will bring him at the right moment, but I'm just wondering. What if he has brought the right guy along (I'm not saying this guy is the right guy, I'm just talking in general now) and I'm too worried of making an idiot of myself to take a risk and do my part? I've been scarred by my idiot moves in the past that now I just want to passively sit and watch life go by and wait for *the guy* (whomever he is) to do all the work.
Is it okay for me to ask a guy to grab coffee with me? Is it okay for a girl relying on God, to ask a guy out? I feel like I've been so focused on this in the past and not repeating history that I'm deaf to what God's telling me about this. It's like I'm trying to make up for my past mistakes by not even going anywhere near the situations in which they occurred (even if now they may produce different results).
Am I punishing myself or just being cautious?
Oh the wonders of being a girl ... haha. =]
05 June 2011
Memories and Revelations.
I can't believe that in less than a week my brother graduates from high school. I feel like I'm finally starting to build strong relationships with my siblings and now I'm about to lose one. Out of the three of my siblings Ben is the one I'm farthest from, relationally speaking.We chat over homework sometimes or when we have to go somewhere together (rarely does that happen), but otherwise we pretty much keep our distance. He and my younger sister have a really tight relationship that I often envy because when I was little I was the one who Ben wanted to hang out with and now I'm the last person.
Benjamin is a role model through and through. He is salutatorian of his class and headed to an honors college in the fall. He could major in whatever he wanted to, and who knows what he will actually decide. He was named co-captain of his high school varsity soccer team when he was a junior and leads worship at several school and church-related functions. He's the laid back cool kid that everyone wants to be friends with.
And I'm his lame sister who moved home and lives in the basement.
Sometimes I wonder where things went wrong. When did we stop being friends? When he moves out, will I hear from him besides at Christmas and Thanksgiving? Ben's his own individual, strong, independent and not afraid to drop you if you're annoying. He's the brother that I would quickly call my big brother because I look up to him more than a lot of other people even though he's almost three years younger than me. No one knows this but he's often the one whose approval I seek most, but I hardly ever get it. It's an understatement through and through, but I'm going to miss him when he heads off to college in the fall ...
My little brother's all grown up.
Benjamin is a role model through and through. He is salutatorian of his class and headed to an honors college in the fall. He could major in whatever he wanted to, and who knows what he will actually decide. He was named co-captain of his high school varsity soccer team when he was a junior and leads worship at several school and church-related functions. He's the laid back cool kid that everyone wants to be friends with.
And I'm his lame sister who moved home and lives in the basement.
Sometimes I wonder where things went wrong. When did we stop being friends? When he moves out, will I hear from him besides at Christmas and Thanksgiving? Ben's his own individual, strong, independent and not afraid to drop you if you're annoying. He's the brother that I would quickly call my big brother because I look up to him more than a lot of other people even though he's almost three years younger than me. No one knows this but he's often the one whose approval I seek most, but I hardly ever get it. It's an understatement through and through, but I'm going to miss him when he heads off to college in the fall ...
My little brother's all grown up.
04 June 2011
Bad endings.
So I'm gonna be a girl here for a moment or two ... just a warning.
Okay so I really don't get movies/stories that don't have happy endings. Seriously. Don't you think they would sell better if they had them?? Of course there are movies based on real life in which life didn't have a happy ending, okay I get that, or the weird creepy movies that their only point is to be weird and creepy. Okay I get that too, but movies that have romantic themes woven throughout or comedy movies, like seriously, would it kill someone to have the two people end up together, like for sure no guessing end up together? I know I know. Leave it up to the imagination or let the viewer decide, blah blah blah. When I watch a movie I don't want the credits to roll with me saying "what?! that's the ending??" Errr. It just irks me.
That's all I have to say on the matter ... =]
Okay so I really don't get movies/stories that don't have happy endings. Seriously. Don't you think they would sell better if they had them?? Of course there are movies based on real life in which life didn't have a happy ending, okay I get that, or the weird creepy movies that their only point is to be weird and creepy. Okay I get that too, but movies that have romantic themes woven throughout or comedy movies, like seriously, would it kill someone to have the two people end up together, like for sure no guessing end up together? I know I know. Leave it up to the imagination or let the viewer decide, blah blah blah. When I watch a movie I don't want the credits to roll with me saying "what?! that's the ending??" Errr. It just irks me.
That's all I have to say on the matter ... =]
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